My husband and I had the opportunity of a lifetime to move to Florida from Maryland when he got promoted with his company almost 4 years ago. Moving to Florida was going to be a way for us to basically have a fresh start. You see, we are both originally from Maryland, born and raised, we met and married there and honestly had no intention of ever moving until we hit a pretty rough financial patch. So, with this fresh start we made the decision that I would return to school to FINALLY complete my undergrad degree (that I still don’t have, but we’ll leave that for another day) and stay home with our, then, 8 month old son. Sounds so cute, right?! Yeah, nope! It was an epic fail…. Let me tell you what happened.
We moved into a rental home in August 2015, which was a complete disaster! We basically had slumlords who hadn’t cleaned or prepared the home for our arrival. Yes, we looked at the photos online for the house and they looked decent but, we soon found out it was all A LIE! We should’ve totally ran for the hills when we saw this house, but, me being me, I just thought well I have plenty of time at HOME now so, I can just take my time, clean things up and make it a home for us. Plus, we had practically spent our life savings on the move to Florida and Josh was scheduled to go to work the following week after our move. Did I mention that we literally had 3 weeks to move to Florida once he accepted the promotion?! Yeah, we were COMPLETELY crazy but, hey, what’s life without risk?
Anyways, I first realized that maybe I wasn’t supposed to be a stay at home mom when I had to clean the floors in the house… We’re Northerners so, we’re used to having carpet on the floor. A quick rug shampoo and a vacuum and you’re usually done…. Yeah, not in Florida. There’s no carpet, only tile and I just REFUSED to let my baby boy crawl on a dirty floor so, what did I do? I decided that I’d scrub the floors on my hands and knees. This is a whole 1400 sq ft house. So, what did I do with the baby while I cleaned? I put him in the pack and play, gave him a few toys and he seemed fine initially… And then I had to move to the next room and he started SCREAMING because he couldn’t see me… So, imagine me trying to drag a pack and play from room to room and scrubbing floors. Yeah, that was an eventful day.
The next time, I realized that maybe I shouldn’t be a stay at home mom was when it became obvious to me that Caleb wouldn’t sleep in the mornings past 6AM. You see for some wonderful reason I was under the impression that in my newfound “Stay At Home Mom” life, Caleb would want to sleep late (like I did) and yeah what baby do you know that sleeps late? I really had no concept of what I was doing or what it would be like to be home with a baby, everyday, all day…
The final straw was probably when it was time to find activities for Caleb. Initially, I signed him up for a music class that had sessions on a daily basis. I thought it would be a great way for him and I to get out of the house everyday and for him to meet other babies his age in the area. At first, it worked pretty well, we met some other families and Caleb had a good time but, eventually the thought of taking him everyday to this class wore off on me. I was literally exhausted from toting him back and forth to these classes and from trying to keep up with the other mom’s. I just didn’t fit in…. I didn’t want to work out daily. I didn’t want to stay home with my baby daily. I didn’t want to wake up early to play with him or get up in the middle of the night for feedings…. And I felt quite sick about not wanting to be a “SUPER” mom.
So here I was at a crossroads, where I felt like I was incapable of achieving the dream of the “Stay at home Mom.” I felt like I was inadequate as a parent because I couldn’t conquer this new world after being what I thought was the hardest version of being a mom, a working mom. I didn’t understand why staying home with my kid was so hard. I finally had to settle with the fact that I wasn’t meant to be a stay at home mom. I thrived doing the dance of getting up and going to work everyday and then coming home to my son in the evenings, so that’s what I went back to doing…. And that’s where I am today!
What’s the lesson? We’re not all meant to be stay at home moms, just like we’re not all meant to be working mom.. And that’s ok. We shouldn’t judge each other for our choices in Motherhood but, appreciate and respect our differences. At the end of the end, we’re all Mommas doing what we gotta do!
Until next time…. Peace, Love & Light.