… As I watch the love between Kelsey and Josh blossom, I realize that I haven’t had a Daddy since I was 16. My daddy passed right before my junior year of high school. It was very early Monday, June 25, 2001, my mom, brother and I were home asleep when the phone rang. It was my Uncle calling to tell us that my father was in a hospital in Washington, DC…. Somewhere my Daddy never hung out. So, it was weird when they said he was there.
We got to the hospital and found out that my father had died a few hours before. He collapsed from a massive heart attack while getting in his car and couldn’t be resuscitated. We left the hospital that night with a bag of his belongings, hurt hearts and tears.
That’s when my relationship with who I knew as “Daddy” ended… I no longer had the protection, love or guidance that only a father could give at a most pivotal time in my life. You see my Daddy wasn’t there when it was time for me to go to prom to “talk” to me about what NOT to do that night, granted… I went to both Junior and Senior prom with NO date (I know, pitiful)…. Lol but that’s a whole other discussion! And given the fact that prior to my father’s passing, I watched my parents fight constantly because of my father’s infidelity, I was left to learn on my own what expectations and standards I should have for a man. And that’s why Daddies Matter… Even if they don’t come out and have a conversation with their daughters about how they should be treated by a man, they can at least have the opportunity, by watching their dads to learn by the example that’s set in front of them.
Unfortunately, that’s not my story… I learned the hard way. From dating men who demeaned me, to the “wannabe” players who dated me and other women at the same time. Oh, and let’s not forget the ones who kept me in the “friends with benefits” category…. See none of these things I should’ve accepted… But, I didn’t know any better. Daddy wasn’t there to teach me otherwise. I didn’t have an example…. But you know what? I’m grateful for my dating experiences… Because now I can share what happened to me to those coming up after me, so they know better than to tolerate the foolishness that I dealt with in the past!
So, when I look at my husband and my daughter, I’m grateful to know she has a positive example in her Daddy. A man who will show her what LOVE truly means. Who has and continues to set the bar high. A father that will teach her self-worth and not to fall for the tricks and games that some men play. I’m also grateful to know that she will have the opportunity to create the memories I missed with my father. He wasn’t there when I graduated high school… Went off to college, when I got engaged, married or had kids. And as much as people say he’s here “in spirit”, there’s nothing like being “present”.
And then there’s my biological father… Well, I have plenty to say about him but we’ll save that for another blog. Let’s just say he wasn’t around either. He didn’t do what I dreamed he would’ve done with my godfather passed, nope. He didn’t step in and pick up the place where he should’ve been all along. Instead, to this day, he denies my existence.. Which is rather frustrating but, hey… that’s life! We don’t always get everything we want.
So… what’s the lesson today? Well it’s the same from last week. Allow Daddies to create their own relationships with their children. Mommies, we won’t always understand all of the intricate details of their relationship with the kids and that’s ok. Just let them have the opportunity to help you create balance for your children… Let them be the example of a Dad that maybe you had, or always wanted…
Until the next time… Peace, Love & Light